A Man For all Seasons

Mother did her thing again today, well it is starting to become her thing as she came into my room after fumbling with the doorknob, only this time was less frantic and more curious. I was reading in bed when I heard the fumbling so I called out to her to come in but she only managed to stand in the doorway while pointing downstairs and making noises. After a few seconds she managed to blurt out there was someone downstairs with flowers and my heart sank for it looked like Gervais had decided to come by for round two.

My fear was not only that Gervais was back again but that this time he was going to outwit the pair of us, resulting in me spending some intimate time with him while he subjected me to his fury at seeing me with Simon the other night. I could barely speak and managed to mumble “Gervais?” in a miserable whisper which caused her to shake her head no and instead she beamed and said it was a nice, big, young man and I instantly knew it was Simon. What one earth was he doing to me, did he want to cause more havoc in my life, did I not already live a sad soap of drama in intrigue as I had already told him about Gervais and Jojo and his persistence was puzzling.

Amazed at how he brazenly ignored my wishes I raced downstairs before realizing I was only wearing my pajamas and when I ran into the drawing room the big grin of delight on his face let me know so I fled back upstairs to dress. I came down again more composed, ready to send him packing, instead I found Mother and he chatting in a relaxed fashion as if we had planned a date all along. I told Mother in my ‘don’t bother to argue’ voice that Simon and I were going to have a little talk and I ushered her out the drawing room before closing the door.

I had no real plan on how to approach Simon except maybe to be cold and hopefully he would get the message as I was not going to drag him into my problems no matter how charming and fun he might be. However Simon had his own ideas and started talking before I could open my mouth and he started by saying he had considered what I said yesterday and well, he was not going to be controlled by some silly deal I had with Gervais. As for Gervais, he was not afraid of him and I should stop being so afraid of him as the people who had trouble with the Dubois family had usually put themselves in the position where the Dubois family could cause them trouble. He was not in any such position so fear of Gervais was not a factor in his decisions so that left only the issue of Jojo.

Here Simon looked around the room and then back at me, Jojo he said, was nowhere in sight but he was and he was not going to be put aside for someone who was not around and might never be around. He might be right, Jojo and I had no relationship and maybe had no hope of one in the near future however I could not douse that last flame of hope in my heart. It was all I had left so I scowled at Simon and said that I was quite able to make my own decisions but this did not bother him at all. I went to explain to him that Jojo and I had a history that other people were not aware of, a history that was complicated that involved Gervais, other people and despite appearances this relationship was not yet resolved. Instead of being cast down, worried or even put off for a second Simon took my hand and said when the gentleman concerned was nowhere in sight then perhaps the relationship was resolved and it might be time to face the reality of the situation. I glared at him, hating him for the truth I had known since Jojo had left town that it had been resolved, hating my weakness, hating the fact I had stupidly ended something that I wanted.

I was not ready for a relationship with anyone as I could not hop from one emotion to another, even if Jojo and I had never been a proper relationship I had felt something and to me it was love, not the crush of Royce, but something strong enough for me to take on Gervais. Simon was not going to let me go so easily and I found myself torn between the attraction of being wanted and the guilt of using him as a stop to fill the hole in my heart so I folded my arms trying hard not to react because like or not Simon was getting to me.

He seemed so confident in his own abilities, not afraid of anything and he was so decent that I had to tell him the truth-- I was not sure I could do anything with anyone right now. He did even blink at my statement and instead took my hand saying why don’t we just enjoy a nice day and leave life to take care of itself so that is how I went on my first real date with Simon.

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