The Steel Fox

Caspar watched over me today in such a way I felt like I was one suicide watch and while he didn’t say anything particular to me, as he rarely does, instead he to fussed about nearby. I don’t know if he was waiting for me to break down and sob on his shoulder, was keeping Simon from approaching me or spying for Gervais who probably wanted to know every bloody detail of my downfall.

I was not going to provide either of them with the satisfaction of an emotional response and went about business as usual. This was not due to any willpower-- I was numb, I didn’t feel a thing, I was waiting for reality to hit me, for my brain to accept that Jojo had moved on so effortlessly that he was able to bring his new girl back to meet his family as if I had never existed. In nearly every encounter with Jojo he had managed to make me completely invisible and now finally he had closed the door on me only a few short weeks later.

My absence from emotion lasted until about eleven when Coco called me up unable to speak and while I had been expecting a call from her I was so detached from my emotions I could not relate to her sobbing and when she finally relapsed into gasping I said all sorts of things to try to calm her. I said the usual garbage that he was not worth it that she is better finding out now, that he is just another Jago and Tony Sedero messing around with everything in skirts. I had nothing to tell her to fix it and nothing to say that I was not already feeling myself so I told her it was time for both of us to move on with our lives. She wailed that she loved him and I said that might be so but it doesn’t mean he is worth your love but she was so distraught it didn’t matter what I said as it would be nothing more than noise in the background. Royce had broken her heart and nothing I could do would fix it and the only small grace was that she hadn’t got hold of Tiah who would have countered with her own trite grief.

You know no matter how bad life seems to get there is always room for worse and the second Coco hung up it was almost magical the way Gervais appeared in the doorway. He followed in the wake of Ladonna whose bellow was resonating on several levels as she enlightened Caspar on several of her inspirations. Since her big affair was only a few weeks away it was a bit late for her to be changing details but that little factor did not deter her one whit. Ladonna was in full voice and full swing and sweeping Caspar up in the folds of her fur ushered him into her office leaving me to face my nemesis alone.

Gervais had refined his torture so finely that he would never do anything as crass as gloat openly for he was the type to slip little barbs into every day conversation. He sat down on the sofa directly opposite my desk and pretended to flick through some brochures while humming a little tune to himself. I could understand why people in his company would want to look for the nearest sharp object as he was unbearable. I busied myself wondering if I should find an excuse to call Simon in for anything would be better than having to sit here alone with him feeling his silent gloat fill the room.

As if he could read my mind Gervais put the brochures aside and casually asked if I had heard the news about Jojo and Royce returning. My mind raced and I wanted to shout at him, “Of course I had you big stupid you were there when Tiah told me, you know damn well what she was saying to me.” But instead I ignored him which did not stop Gervais from continuing, evil bubbling out of him merrily and I knew he was not going to be happy until he had said it aloud to me. He continued “ They had a very successful tour and now they have some lovely young ladies to introduce to us, how sweet summer romance can be.” I gave Gervais a look filled with all the hate I felt for him, hoping it would set him alight and straight back to hell where he belonged. Gervais got up as if to approach my desk but I was having none of it for if he wanted to destroy me he could do it at a distance as he was not going to be allowed to do it via cosy tete a tete.

I pushed the intercom and called Simon from the back. He appeared in seconds which meant he had not been far away and probably was eavesdropping on the entire conversation. I pointed to the computer which had only my screen saver of a kitten on it and asked what happened to this order. Simon being the lifesaver that he is came behind my desk and turned his back to Gervais which blocked me from his view then he started rambling off nonsense about all the orders, sounding all urgent and important. Gervais understood the message immediately but instead of being bothered he just started humming again as he wandered back outside to his car. Simon was wrong, this fox was never going to be skinned because his hide was made of steel.

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