Different Paths

I got up this morning glad for the sanctuary of my old room and Mother pleased I had spent the night brought me breakfast in bed. It was about six times the amount of food I could eat as Maritka cooked up a storm she must have liked having something to do for a change instead of growling at paperboys and passing cats.

I called Simon last night and blatantly lied to him, I told him that Mother had a turn which left me so worried that I was going to spend the night with her. I woke her up when I got in and told her that if Simon turned up early in the morning she was to say she had a turn and asked me to come over. She was confused and startled by my sudden appearance but by the third time I had gone over it had managed to grasp what I said.

The pleasure of having me home ended soon enough as she sat on my bed demanding to know why she was telling Simon lies for me as Mother was not very good at lies, they confused and frightened her. I told her that I had spent the night comforting Jazz about the Braith thingy, Simon had been difficult about it and since I was already tired I didn’t want to go home to have him complain that I spent too much time with my friends. She seemed relieved that I was making an attempt to preserve the peace in my relationship and I felt bad that for the second time I had lied to her about Simon as I couldn’t let her know that my entire being was in the throes of being torn apart over Jojo.

Last night he leaned against the door frame with his devil may care attitude, looking so handsome, so aloof, so daunting, that I could feel myself tremble as I met his eyes. I could not, and would not answer his question as I was afraid of my answer, I was afraid I would throw myself into his arms and abandon Simon the way he kept abandoning me, this door was closed and needed desperately to stay closed.

I did not want him to know the emotional war I was having and I wished Jazz had not brought it up in front of him so I stayed silent while the two of them stared at me in expectancy. Unable to meet their eyes I sat there waiting for someone to take up the conversation but Jojo wasn’t going to say a thing instead he folded his arms and glared at me from the doorway, daring me to meet his eyes. Jazz remained cool while focusing on me and I felt like a lamb to the slaughter while the two Sedero’s waited for me to answer his question. I started to say something, I wanted to explain my internal battle and then I remembered how Jojo had dismissed me the night Gervais had attacked me. How he had left me crying in the toilets, telling me he was not about to leave his new surf girl how she wanted him when I did not, after he had abandoned me not once but twice! I felt this surge of anger against him for while I might be guilty of being a fool he was guilty of not caring and I folded my arms to stare back at him just as coolly.

Jojo walked away from me as much as I had walked away from him and I was not going to be his scapegoat, if our relationship had been destroyed by our actions it was by both of us, not just my stupidity. I said very clearly that if I remember correctly this was how Jojo had wanted it to be and now he was busy occupied with his new girl he did not need to know what I felt. He scowled at me before saying that if he remembered correctly I had found myself a replacement before he was even gone. This comment both infuriated and puzzled me as I had done no such thing and I could not understand why he kept shouting it at me. He gave me another scowl before leaving and I glared at him, hating him so much then loving him even more and I knew then that Simon and I were in trouble as I could never move in with him. I was just deluding myself if I thought I had got over Jojo for one word from him and my world was upside down yet again.

Jazz looked confused for a minute then decided to defend Jojo so I told her what he did to me and how I was not going to be the villain in this. I might have made mistakes but he abandoned me when I needed him the most and when I saw a tear roll down her face I felt bad for being so angry when she needed my friendship. She told me she had never seen two people so stubborn they could not admit they were in love with each other and I told her it was out of my hands now as Jojo’s life was going down a totally different path to mine. Jazz sighed and spent the rest of the night gazing out the window for as usual I was no help at all.

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