For Whom The Bells Toll

Word spread fast and the phone started ringing the minute I stepped in the door and I was forced to deal with people trying to find out gossip to some sincere condolences from her friends to whom I spent hours telling the same story that I didn’t know and thanks for their kindness. A scuffle at the front door had me enter the foyer in time to see Maritka throw someone out so dramatically it would have been comedic if everything wasn’t so tragic. She told me funeral directors had been trying to leave cards all day like vultures and I told her to get rid of them any way she liked which put a gleam into her already formidable eye.

Another knock at the door had us both freeze until I nodded for her to answer it and she threw open the door ready to do combat, only to come face to face with Simon. He stood there like a mountain filling the doorway waiting for me to invite him in and although I wanted to throw myself into his arms I all I could see was Gervais smirking while Alex kissed him. I shook my head no and his face crumbled at my final rejection and it broke my heart to send him away but I knew I could not move passed this and I would throw it in his face forever like the weak fool that I am.

In twenty four hours I had lost my entire world and there did not seem to be a soul I could turn to but Chantal Sedero had different ideas. She came zooming up that afternoon ready to tackle all the people who kept ringing or trying to sell me funerals. I watched her car pull up into the driveway, stop as close to the front door as possible and it was just like Chantal to park right in the way of the door irregardless of anyone else or their plans.

I watched through the drawing room window as Chantal and Jazz got out and as the door remained opened I held my breath fearful that Jojo would also step out but he didn’t. He was probably far too busy with his girlfriend to worry about me. Chantal swooped in and I was expecting her to be her usual imperious self telling everyone what to do but instead she gave me a tearful hug and for the first time since I had known her she as too overcome to speak. Jazz put her arm around me also in tears and as I leaned against her I was suddenly glad she was there. Maritka took over and pushed us all into the drawing room while she went to make tea and Chantal thanked her with a courtesy that was uncustomary. Jazz whispered that Jojo had wanted to come but Chantal told him not to as she was afraid it would upset me even more and I was glad he hadn’t as I had to come to terms with what had happened and not be distracted by old romances. I told Jazz it was for the best as he has his own relationships to consider but she said he had ended his relationship the day he had accosted me in the doorway about Simon. I didn’t say anything to that as I felt empty and strange as if the world had turned into a movie and I was watching it from far away.

After some tea and an ill advised visit from yet another funeral director that Chantal had the pleasure of ejecting she seemed to recover her voice and started to organise everyone from Maritka to the florist who kept delivering bouquets. I wondered why people would ignore you when alive then send lovely flowers when you die as Mother would have appreciated all these flowers far more when she was living. Chantal took me into Mother’s sitting room closing the door but I didn’t want to go as it was here that I found her and still too full of her for me to cope but Chantal insisted it was urgent.

She sat me down and said that there was something she felt I should know and then told me that Mother had been ill for a long time before she died and she had been hiding it from me because she didn’t want me to worry. That is why she had been pressing me to get a job and was so happy about me and Simon for she had wanted me to be settled before she died. I sank into my chair realising that my last news to her was my break up with Simon, my subsequent unemployment and these were her last thoughts before she died. Grief overflowed me, numbing me as I drowned in a future of my own making and for the rest of the day I was a robot only responding when prompted. I have never felt so utterly lost and alone in the universe.

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