Nightmare Within a Nightmare

I woke up with the warmth of his body bedside me, fully dressed we lay on top of the blankets exhausted from the emotions of the night before. The sun filtering through the blinds spoke of a beautiful day but for me it was only a return to the misery from the day before. I know that to an outside person it would have looked suggestive and intimate but if spending a night sobbing in someone’s arms was romantic I had never been told. My mind raced about as I went through the events of the day before trying to make the pieces fit and understand the life my mother had left behind. I always knew she was a woman of secrets but I had seen her as the keeper of secrets not the woman who had them.

I reran the scene in my mind again and again to that very moment when Ladonna Dubois told me the truth about Bishop Vale and the people in this town. I was never going to be the same after her visit and despite my misery I focused back to the moment when her face turned sad as she looked at me and I asked her to please explain. She sighed again and smiled at me saying the death in the family would be only in one family as it was the same family. I gave her a look as if she was drunk and shook my head puzzled. Ladonna pursed her lips and continued. “You have a very unique relationship with the Dubois family,” and I had to stop myself from blurting out it was because they were all insane and never let me alone. “I assume your mother would have spoken to you sooner or later but her untimely passing has left certain things unclear.” I wondered when she was going to stop waffling but when she did I would have done anything to have her take it back.” You see dear” Ladonna leaned forward and took my hand “You are a Dubois yourself.”

I snatched my hand back staring at her as if she had lost her mind. “Rubbish!” I started scornfully but Ladonna shook her head at me. “Your father is Axel Dubois, my late husband, Gervais, Liselle and Elyce are your cousins.” I wanted to scream at her to get out of my house, to never say such disgusting things again, to rot in hell and then I remembered the letter on Mother’s desk, the one to Liselle. I demanded to know how she knew, she told me that Axel and she did not have any secrets so when they got married he had put a proviso in his will for me. This was the money that Mother had left me, the reason why she was able to support me so well after the death of my father—the man I had thought had been my father while growing up.

I raged inwardly at Mother for not warning me, she allowed me to work for Liselle, and no wonder she had always been so wary when I mentioned Gervais after the furniture shop. I asked Ladonna if they knew, Liselle and Gervais, she replied that Liselle knew that was why I was given the job in the shop. It was so I could get to know them better before mother told me about my father, however Gervais in his usual habit of ruining everything had decided to develop a lust for me. I turned to Ladonna in complete bewilderment and said surely once he knows I am his cousin he would stop trying to seduce me. She laughed sharply and said family relations had never stopped him before which made me I shudder at the implication as I tried to erase his smarmy face from my mind.

Maritka served tea and Ladonna continued to explain how Mother had been very much like me at the time, a young girl fresh out of school waiting out the summer before going off to college. Axel a good ten years older was very much like Gervais, sophisticated, magnetic, running the family business and he found her fresh innocence irresistible and seduced her promptly. Like all easy conquests he tired of her quickly but to his dismay she had fallen pregnant so the families arranged to get rid of the baby and for her to have a long holiday in Europe before returning home. Only Mother was not the malleable young girl they had assumed she was—here Ladonna added “Something like you dear.” Mother returned married and with a young baby and the only people who knew the truth were Axel, Mother and the two grand parents. Once I was born Axel changed his tune as I was another Dubois possession that was out of reach as she was having none of him. Axel spent years trying to get her to return to him as I was the only child he had conceived and with each year he became more obsessed with wanting what he could not have. After father’s death Mother turned down his offer of marriage and ever pragmatic would only accept his financial support. Axel never won the battle for under threats of having me removed to the other end of the world he kept his distance and I remained ignorant of my heritage.

I could understand why Mother had never told me as to be aligned with that family was a disgusting thought and they would have sucked the very happiness from my soul. A father who never wanted me except to own and a family who only wanted me to use me in some internal war. I listen to Ladonna until there was nothing left to say and then had Maritka show her out for I was too stunned to do anything, then all my emotions hit me like a runaway train. I ran upstairs and flung myself onto my bed shuddering with despair as this was worse than my worst nightmares—I was a Dubois! The room started spinning and I thought I was about to lose my mind, in desperation I grabbed my phone and rang the only person who could help me, the one who was always there, the one strong enough to withstand my very ghastly new family. He answered and I sobbed “I need you right now.” I flung the phone aside and waited for Simon.

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