Nature of the Beast

Today the world echoed with the voice of scandal, an excited whisper of schadenfreude that surrounded but was not part of my life. The first gossip of the day was brought to me by Simon of all people since he had not heard from me he decided to invite himself to breakfast armed with fresh croissants. I could see from the way he made himself at home in the kitchen with Maritka that Simon was no longer content with waiting in the wings while I decided if I was going to call on him. As he and Maritka made coffee and loaded up a tray I could not help but admire the way he looked so comfortable in his own skin for he had a natural grace that belied his huge presence and he joked with her as they waited for the coffee to infuse. He was not the same person as a few months ago, there was a sense of steel about him, a determination that both thrilled and alarmed me but I was uncertain if I really needed a resolute man in my life at this point.

We sat inside because it was raining which was unfortunate because I always felt safer on the terrace, as if the garden was a buffer between me and whatever emotional storm might be brewing. I was contained within myself, remaining quiet as I was worried that anything overt would encourage his plans. I knew that Simon took my collapse into his arms as an opening for him to re-enter my life and I was not about to promote this path. I was busy organizing the removal of Gervais Dubois and really could not afford to have him obstruct this for as much as I trusted Simon with my dark secret I could not trust him with this. As for my dark secret I was rather surprised this was not the gossip echoing all over town for aside from Gervais phoning me up to annoy me and he did this on a regular basis even before we were officially related, there were no enquiries of gentle concern masking of course the search for truth in rumour.

Simon trying to keep our mood light, started with the latest gossip, Astrid has tossed out Tony Sedero for good this time for she discovered him keeping time with his wife of all people. The Porn King romance had died due to the Taryn affair and a disgruntled Chantal was ripe for the advances of her errant husband who no doubt preferred not to be her soon to be ex-husband. Tony and Chantal kissed and made up as they had been doing for the last twenty five years and the Sedero’s were once again a united family. If anyone had expected Royce to come back to Coco tail between his legs they were greatly mistaken for now Royce was basking in the light of Lynx who uncharacteristically did not throw him out the second her mission of breaking up his marriage had been accomplished. So Jojo was out and Royce was in and I wondered if people in her life ever stopped to consider how many others had been in her bed before them for if they could visualize this would they be so keen to accept her seduction. Simon did not speculate about Jojo as I know he was a person Simon could not discuss with me, like I could not discuss Gervais with him, perhaps if I could I would not be taking the radical path of my current choice.

I looked across the table at Simon and considered that he was not the same man I had met while working for Caspar for gone was the unruffled good-natured giant who rescued me from my tumultuous life. Instead I saw the firm set to his jaw, the iron will beneath the charming smile, Simon was on a mission and he was letting me see he was not about to be deflected. I wondered if he saw the changes in me, if my mission was showing, was the steel beneath the velvet showing in me? Since neither of us was about to broach the reality of our lives we stayed confined to the news of the town and he moved onto the next bit of fuss. Taryn hearing rumours of Caspar and Cameo joining forces decided to book him nearly continuously for the next year ensuring that he was far too busy to consider any partnership, much less marriage. Jago had slunk into the background again and no doubt back into the bed of Liselle, this must be the most dysfunctional relationship in the town for Liselle who could have hypnotized any man in town was still stuck in a teenage infatuation. Elyce had seeped back into the town like some deadly poison, she turned up and relationships fell apart, now she had set her sights on Jojo, no doubt seeing him at loose ends as an invitation to be destroyed. My new family was remarkable in their ability to seek out those most unable to deal with their brand of affection.

We did not discuss Gervais as I could barely say his name to Simon and be able to look at him without wanting to scream. There was still too much there for me to cope with despite whatever dreams Simon might hold for all my energy was directed elsewhere. I had an undertaking and with a little help from my friends we might manage to get our lives back and although I realised we could never return to the carefree existence of before, at least we could be free of Gervais.

Simon gave no indication of leaving as the morning eased into the day and I could hear Maritka singing as she cleaned knowing she hoped Simon would be a steadying influence and maybe distract me from my purpose. The golden brown of his hair glinted in the light as he talked, oblivious of how devastatingly gorgeous he was, he sat back engulfing the chair with his huge frame. I could see the slight bulge of his biceps under his shirt, the broad shrug of his shoulders, his eyes were clear like the sky on a summer’s day and I could not help but admire him. His strong jaw set in a firm line, the way he folded his arms when asserting himself, the tilt of his head while he listened, all so gorgeous yet I sat untouched by this marvel of creation across from the table for my soul was a frozen block of ice. Even the goodness of Simon could not thaw the black ice of hatred from my veins when I thought of my cousin and I knew as I felt this that I was being true to my nature, reacting as a Dubois, Gervais would have been so proud as in a way I was finally his.

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